I couldn’t get started just now until all my photos were uploaded. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just start writing, other than I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say until those photos left my phone and arrived on the computer where I could add them here.
Maybe it’s because I don’t have a lot to write about. Actually, I don’t have many photos, either.
It’s sunny out today, and warmer. Hopefully a walk in the sun later will boost my mood. I think it’s been two days since I did laps.
I’m also a bit off because there’s a cat-involved situation going on, something I don’t want to discuss because I am fairly frustrated with it. Despite many attempts to prevent this happening, I’m having to deal with it today when I’d rather not. It didn’t help that the big girls have been super pissy the past few days…i.e. screeching, swiping, swearing and generally disobeying orders. (Weanie got thrown out in the cold for her behavior and Buggar got “swatted” and scolded with a soft cat blankie for her crimes.) Honestly, I think they were extremely disappointed the warm weather was short-lived and after a brief taste of freedom and the blissfulness of the outdoors they had to be inside and see each other and continue sharing space. Oh, the horrors. Luckily, today is sunny and warmer, so everyone is OUT!
Brief interlude: here’s a pic of a beautiful cast iron tea pot H procured for me at his job. Thank you, H! (this beautiful pot has yet to be used)
Now, back to the show:
I have also had housework staring me in the face for a long time, and I’m not interested in it, either. But, if I don’t do it now or at least soon, it will get worse.
I’ve also been thinking about friendship and how hard making friends has been for me as an adult. It’s weird because I have always had several really good women friends in my life at any given point in time. H and I recognized long ago we are basically each other’s only friend. I’m grateful every day to have him in my life. We get along amazingly well – it’s a bit uncanny – and have a lot of fun together. But I do miss having women friends. You’d think it would be fairly easy to find some, but my experience is that unless you are willing to go with the norm – join clubs, participate in certain unifying belief systems, squash your personality in order to fit in, etc… – then you’re probably SOL.
I tend to think this is because I live in small town Kansas where small thinking is the norm (that may sound like a judgement, but really it’s just how things are – people are more simple here in many ways) and there are fewer people to choose from. Whatever the reason, more and more I think it’s just difficult to have friends as an adult. People change so much as they get older. Communication becomes more difficult if you are not naturally a people person, and you tend to have fewer things in common.
More and more I appreciate my cats, even on their pissy days…although they are very much like people.
Sometimes when I’m feeling bummed about the lack of friends in my life I think back to religious school days when a couple of tattle tale girls got on my and my best friend’s bad sides. For whatever reason – I also seem to remember some exclusiveness going on – we decided these two girls were sub-par and not worthy of our friendship. (The memory makes me cringe!) We only had maybe a dozen girls in our class, if that many, so to exclude anyone left fewer friend options for everyone. It was a very hurtful thing to do.
One week I had noticed these two girls hanging out together. I asked one of them how she could stand being friends with her? Her answer was to the point and much more grown-up of a response than I expected:
“Well, what are you supposed to do when no one else wants to be your friend?”
I have felt very badly about that for a long time.
To be fair, I had many experiences of being excluded around that same time in my life, girls who didn’t want to be my friend, wouldn’t talk to me, didn’t want me around. There was a time when I made friends with someone I normally wouldn’t have, just because I was so lonely being by myself. Perhaps it was karma? Sometimes I think I’m still living it.
But, still, I keep thinking about friends. As an adult and limited in my own ways where I live, I have begun reaching out online, trying to make friends. It really has not gone well. Just last night I decided I had, perhaps, been pursuing people who aren’t really interested in being my friend. It was like a lightbulb moment, a moment where you realize you’ve been casting your pearls (or your perles, lol) before swine, and why not move on and find people who ARE interested in you? That was my decision, and that is what I am going for.
In the meantime, I will continue to try and be my best self, work on my own foibles (we all have them, some people’s are just more visible than others), continue to enjoy my own company to the fullest, and cherish any legitimate and true connections which come my way.
On to other things…I’ve been cracking open some of the fermented foods I have stored in the fridge. I opened a beautiful quart of yellow pear and cherry tomatoes, only to find kham yeast had grown. Kham doesn’t spoil, but it does taste bad. Bummer! This morning I opened a different jar, feeling hopeful but apprehensive. Happily, these ones are just fine!
Check out that blue garlic! Yes, blue! The copper minerals in the garlic sometimes turn blue when fermented. I like that. And TGB stands for (green) tomato, garlic and basil. It’s not the best tasting jar of tomatoes I’ve enjoyed, but they’re ok. And, yes, they didn’t go in there until December! That’s how long I had tomatoes sitting around. I like to chop up these pieces and have them with crackers and goat cheese.
On the stitching front, here’s progress on the Two Hearts piece:
Mainly thread beads.
I managed to go to the thrift store Monday. Often, it’s one of the only highlights of my week! Here are a few slightly antiquated finds:
Wishing you lots of wonderful friends…and good stitching…