Karma or coincidence?

I couldn’t get started just now until all my photos were uploaded. I’m not sure why I couldn’t just start writing, other than I couldn’t think of what I wanted to say until those photos left my phone and arrived on the computer where I could add them here.

Maybe it’s because I don’t have a lot to write about. Actually, I don’t have many photos, either.

It’s sunny out today, and warmer. Hopefully a walk in the sun later will boost my mood. I think it’s been two days since I did laps.

I’m also a bit off because there’s a cat-involved situation going on, something I don’t want to discuss because I am fairly frustrated with it. Despite many attempts to prevent this happening, I’m having to deal with it today when I’d rather not. It didn’t help that the big girls have been super pissy the past few days…i.e. screeching, swiping, swearing and generally disobeying orders. (Weanie got thrown out in the cold for her behavior and Buggar got “swatted” and scolded with a soft cat blankie for her crimes.) Honestly, I think they were extremely disappointed the warm weather was short-lived and after a brief taste of freedom and the blissfulness of the outdoors they had to be inside and see each other and continue sharing space. Oh, the horrors. Luckily, today is sunny and warmer, so everyone is OUT!

Brief interlude: here’s a pic of a beautiful cast iron tea pot H procured for me at his job. Thank you, H! (this beautiful pot has yet to be used)

20161028_105813

Now, back to the show:

I have also had housework staring me in the face for a long time, and I’m not interested in it, either. But, if I don’t do it now or at least soon, it will get worse.

I’ve also been thinking about friendship and how hard making friends has been for me as an adult. It’s weird because I have always had several really good women friends in my life at any given point in time. H and I recognized long ago we are basically each other’s only friend. I’m grateful every day to have him in my life. We get along amazingly well – it’s a bit uncanny – and have a lot of fun together. But I do miss having women friends. You’d think it would be fairly easy to find some, but my experience is that unless you are willing to go with the norm – join clubs, participate in certain unifying belief systems, squash your personality in order to fit in, etc… – then you’re probably SOL.

I tend to think this is because I live in small town Kansas where small thinking is the norm (that may sound like a judgement, but really it’s just how things are – people are more simple here in many ways) and there are fewer people to choose from. Whatever the reason, more and more I think it’s just difficult to have friends as an adult. People change so much as they get older. Communication becomes more difficult if you are not naturally a people person, and you tend to have fewer things in common.

More and more I appreciate my cats, even on their pissy days…although they are very much like people.

Sometimes when I’m feeling bummed about the lack of friends in my life I think back to religious school days when a couple of tattle tale girls got on my and my best friend’s bad sides. For whatever reason – I also seem to remember some exclusiveness going on – we decided these two girls were sub-par and not worthy of our friendship. (The memory makes me cringe!) We only had maybe a dozen girls in our class, if that many, so to exclude anyone left fewer friend options for everyone. It was a very hurtful thing to do.

One week I had noticed these two girls hanging out together. I asked one of them how she could stand being friends with her? Her answer was to the point and much more grown-up of a response than I expected:

“Well, what are you supposed to do when no one else wants to be your friend?”

I have felt very badly about that for a long time.

To be fair, I had many experiences of being excluded around that same time in my life, girls who didn’t want to be my friend, wouldn’t talk to me, didn’t want me around. There was a time when I made friends with someone I normally wouldn’t have, just because I was so lonely being by myself. Perhaps it was karma? Sometimes I think I’m still living it.

But, still, I keep thinking about friends. As an adult and limited in my own ways where I live, I have begun reaching out online, trying to make friends. It really has not gone well. Just last night I decided I had, perhaps, been pursuing people who aren’t really interested in being my friend. It was like a lightbulb moment, a moment where you realize you’ve been casting your pearls (or your perles, lol) before swine, and why not move on and find people who ARE interested in you? That was my decision, and that is what I am going for.

In the meantime, I will continue to try and be my best self, work on my own foibles (we all have them, some people’s are just more visible than others), continue to enjoy my own company to the fullest, and cherish any legitimate and true connections which come my way.

On to other things…I’ve been cracking open some of the fermented foods I have stored in the fridge. I opened a beautiful quart of yellow pear and cherry tomatoes, only to find kham yeast had grown. Kham doesn’t spoil, but it does taste bad. Bummer! This morning I opened a different jar, feeling hopeful but apprehensive. Happily, these ones are just fine!

Check out that blue garlic! Yes, blue! The copper minerals in the garlic sometimes turn blue when fermented. I like that. And TGB stands for (green) tomato, garlic and basil. It’s not the best tasting jar of tomatoes I’ve enjoyed, but they’re ok. And, yes, they didn’t go in there until December! That’s how long I had tomatoes sitting around. I like to chop up these pieces and have them with crackers and goat cheese.

On the stitching front, here’s progress on the Two Hearts piece:

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Mainly thread beads.

I managed to go to the thrift store Monday. Often, it’s one of the only highlights of my week! Here are a few slightly antiquated finds:

20170215_140740Wishing you lots of wonderful friends…and good stitching…

 

 

 

 

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6 Comments Add yours

  1. Peggy McGrail says:

    I am still trying to figure out all this way of communicating other than the old fashioned way of actually picking up a phone and calling someone. So i am replying from my email where i get notified of your posts to see if this goes to you the same way as when i open your blog and comment that way Consider this a test response😃

    Sent from my iPhone

    >

    1. June Wildflower says:

      Hi. It shows up here just like other comments, only it indicates it’s sent from your iPhone.
      I miss regular phones a lot…with push buttons! One of the reasons I loath talking on a cell phone is the connection is almost always bad and I think the sound quality is poor, too. Anyway, there’s something tinny about it which I don’t care for, not to mention the bad radiation mojo, so I always use earphones. As a writer I do love to text…

  2. Peggy McG says:

    The three people i consider friends i have known for years and two of them i maybe talk by text or email only a few times every few years and then if we do get together i realize there is a history to us but thats about all. My other friend, i guess i feel more disappointment in that i “need” her attention more than i get it and i can never count on her even when we make plans but she thinks its ok to put our plans off because a good friend understands. She moved away to retirement land in Florida. I miss my man as he passed away almost 4 years now and i think i ask myself almost every day if i am lonely and i always answer No, i am not a people person. I really prefer not to be disappointed. And i have four cats. My very best friends!

    1. June Wildflower says:

      Without our cats I would feel completely isolated! They have been such wonderful companions.
      Ok, so I’m not the only one who has struggled in the friend department. It has surprised me for a long time that things turned out this way because I am a very loyal person.
      I am grateful every day for my man. Sorry to hear yours moved on. That must be very tough. But I admire those who can be happy by themselves…that sounds like you! If I lost H, I don’t think I would ever settle for anyone else…he’s the best! Thanks so much for sharing.

  3. What a beatiful teapot you´ve won! Now you just have to open it with a delicious and fragant herbal tea! I´ve been making rosemary tea for the last few days…a delight that cheers the soul and brings energy.
    I can imagine the cats…they are smart, they have different personalities…they give what to do…but they are so dear, and amusing! I really like to hear the stories about them! I have a little Yorkshire dog called Emily.We love her…she is very sweet,cheerful. but always knows what and whem she wants the things!
    And now let´s go to the long and misterious chapter of friendship.I perfectly understand everything you say about the difficult in making friends in adult life,I understand and agree with the caracteristics of people in small towns,things are the same here…and there is no judgment or prejudice in this, everyone has the right to be and think as you want and can…
    But see,I live in the largest city of Brazil, with people from all over the country and the world,with an intense cultural life, and access to any kind of knowledge,wich is very good…but the friendship is not usually favored by all that.Here the great hobby is the work, to make money,to be successful and to achieve these things to exercise the competition in all the areas and in the smallest things…
    Where is the space for the friendship? where is the time for the friendship?
    You must be finding me a little dark…it maybe… but how to be very optimistic when the great fun is photograf yourself ,admiring yourself…I don´t know, I think it´s a problem in the world.The world is sick.
    All this to admit that I do not have many friends,and I do not find easy to find them…
    I went to a yoga group,the people were great ones,the teacher a very good person,but two years ago she was offered a job irrefutable…the group ended. Every two months we meet to talk and eat pizza (wonderful in S.Paulo !) )It´s all we get in this crazy city!
    Be sure that is not karma; coincidence, who knows?Do not be discouraged, suddenly the friend appears!
    There are still good, sensitive,intelligent and creative peoples in our old world…
    You are one of them.

    1. June Wildflower says:

      Thank you, Maria. I really enjoy hearing about your life in Brazil and how things are there. Yes, I realize things are like this everywhere. It is often groups or through work settings that we can finally get to know some people and forge friendships. I do have some new people in my life with whom I can talk about some things, and that is nice, but it is about a specific topic.
      I wonder more and more if it will take really changing my life and how I live in order to make connections with people. When people have work and society to distract them it can be hard to be authentic and find others who share similar interests. People are so busy…I can’t help thinking this is a big reason why things are this way.
      For instance, there are times here when bad storms will come through and all the electricity goes out. These have been the only times where people come out of their houses and talk to each other about what is going on. The TV is off…what else is there to do? Funny and sad, but true…
      I’m glad to know you like hearing about the cats. I will try to tell some more stories. I’d love to get another dog some day…aren’t they wonderful?

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